The Divine Feminine Within: Coming Home to Yourself

There is a question I think many women rarely stop to ask:

Who am I when nobody is looking?

Not who am I as a mother, wife, partner, daughter, employee, business owner or carer. Not who am I when someone needs something from me, when I’m keeping everyone happy, sorting things out or simply getting through the day.

But underneath all of that — who am I?

What do I love? What do I desire? What makes me feel alive? What is sacred to me? What do I want for myself?

For me, this is personal.

Years ago, I started learning to make jewellery. I remember being with a group of people who were talking about themselves — what they were doing, learning and experiencing in life.

When it came to me, all I could think to say was:

“I’m a mum.”

And it hit me.

Of course I was a mum, and being a mother is an incredibly important part of my life. But I realised that I couldn’t think of anything else to say about myself.

Somewhere amongst motherhood, family, responsibilities and everyday life, I had lost sight of the rest of me.

The creative woman. The spiritual woman. The curious woman. The woman who wanted to learn, create and explore.

She hadn’t disappeared. I had just stopped paying attention to her.

And I think a lot of women understand that feeling.

How We Lose Ourselves

Most of the time, it doesn’t happen in one dramatic moment.

It happens quietly.

Children come along. Work becomes demanding. Relationships need attention. Parents get older. Bills need paying. There is washing, cooking, shopping, appointments, school runs, messages and endless things to remember.

We become very good at knowing what everyone else needs.

But sometimes if someone asks, “What do you want?”, we genuinely don’t know.

It isn’t only motherhood that can do this. We can lose ourselves in relationships, careers, caring for others, grief, stress and simply trying to survive.

We become good at functioning.

But functioning is not the same as feeling alive.

For me, reconnecting with the Divine Feminine is about remembering the woman underneath all those roles.

It is not about becoming some perfect version of femininity. The feminine can be soft and strong, loving and fierce, sensual and protective. She can nurture, create, receive, say no, have boundaries and know what she wants.

She can love deeply without disappearing into someone else.

Aphrodite: Desire, Beauty and Aliveness

One of the goddesses I work with is Aphrodite.

Aphrodite is one of the best-known goddesses of the ancient Greek world, associated with love, beauty, attraction, sexuality and desire.

But for me, her energy is about much more than romantic love or being attractive to someone else.

Aphrodite asks:

What brings you alive?

When did you last do something simply because you enjoyed it?

Not because it was useful. Not because somebody needed you to. Not because it was productive.

Because you wanted to.

Desire is not only sexual.

You may desire rest, creativity, adventure, affection, friendship, travel, confidence, time alone, beautiful surroundings, spiritual connection or simply more joy.

Sometimes even admitting, “I want something,” can be powerful when we have spent years putting ourselves last.

Connecting with Aphrodite can also be very simple.

Buy yourself flowers. Wear the perfume you have been saving. Put music on while you cook. Take the bath. Use the beautiful cup. Wear the jewellery. Notice the sunset.

You could place your favourite perfume, body oil, jewellery or beauty product beside a candle and dedicate it to Aphrodite as a reminder:

I am worthy of my own care and attention.

Beauty does not have to be expensive. Beauty can be flowers, music, nature, good food, clean sheets, a beautiful stone or something you have made with your own hands.

Sometimes noticing beauty helps us become present in our own lives again.

Who Is Astarte?

Astarte is an ancient goddess associated particularly with the Phoenician and wider Levantine world. She is a complex goddess connected with passion, sexuality, war, power and protection.

Her history also overlaps with the story of Aphrodite.

Cyprus became one of the most important centres of Aphrodite’s worship, but it was also a meeting place between Greek, Phoenician and Near Eastern cultures. Over time, goddess traditions influenced one another, and Astarte had an important influence on the developing Cypriot image of Aphrodite.

I don’t think it is accurate to simply say that Aphrodite was Astarte renamed. Ancient religion was much more complicated than that.

Cultures mixed. Symbols travelled. Goddesses changed over centuries.

But I love the connection because together they show us that feminine power has never had only one face.

Aphrodite brings desire, beauty, pleasure and receiving.

Astarte brings strength, courage, passion, protection and the warrior within.

Astarte and the Woman Who Stands for Herself

When I work with Astarte, I particularly connect with her warrior energy.

But warrior does not have to mean aggression.

A warrior knows what is sacred enough to protect.

Your children. Your peace. Your body. Your dreams. Your spiritual path. Your truth. Your future.

And perhaps most importantly:

yourself.

Many women will stand up for everyone they love but struggle to stand up for themselves.

We say:

“It’s fine.”

“I don’t want to upset anyone.”

“I don’t want to make a fuss.”

“Maybe I’m overreacting.”

Astarte can bring us back to the question:

Am I sacred enough to stand for too?

You do not need an elaborate ritual to connect with her.

You could simply light a candle in her honour and sit quietly.

If you want to create a small altar, you might include flowers, fruit, a dove image or another object that personally represents feminine strength and courage.

Then ask:

Where do I need courage?

Where do I need to assert myself?

What am I standing for in my life?

One simple practice I particularly like is using a mirror.

Look into your own eyes rather than immediately looking for what is “wrong” with your appearance.

Ask:

What does this woman stand for?

What does she love enough to protect?

What truth does she already know?

What would change if I trusted her more?

You do not need to make a promise or an oath.

Perhaps you simply take one small action.

You say no. You speak up. You ask for what you need. You take the hour for yourself. You stop apologising for having a perfectly reasonable boundary.

That is where spiritual practice begins to become real.

Calling Your Power Home

Another important part of this work is learning to recognise where we give our power away.

For me, our power includes our attention, confidence, voice, emotional energy, choices, self-trust and authority over our own lives.

We give it away when someone else’s opinion becomes more important than our own knowing.

When one person’s mood determines our whole day.

When we keep replaying an old argument.

When we continue trying to prove ourselves to someone who is no longer even part of our lives.

We can give our power away at work too. A manager’s criticism becomes the voice in our head. We overwork to prove our worth. We say yes when we want to say no.

And fear can take our power very quickly:

What will people think?

What if I fail?

What if they don’t like me?

Sometimes we spend so much time wondering what everybody else thinks that we forget to ask:

What do I think?

Calling our power home is not about fighting everyone who has hurt us.

It is about bringing ourselves back to our own centre.

A simple practice is to place one hand over your heart and one over your solar plexus, take a few slow breaths and say:

I call my attention home.
I call my courage home.
I call my confidence home.
I call my voice home.
I call my truth home.
I call myself home.

Then:

My power belongs with me.

Not power over somebody else.

The power to be present within your own life.

Sovereignty: I Belong to Myself

For me, power naturally leads into sovereignty.

Power asks:

What strength is mine?

Sovereignty asks:

Who governs my life?

Being sovereign does not mean never needing anybody. It does not mean refusing advice or compromise.

It means I can love you without abandoning myself.

I can listen to your opinion without automatically believing that you know what is right for me better than I do.

I can say yes.

I can say no.

I can change my mind.

I can make mistakes.

I can learn.

I can begin again.

Sovereignty is not perfection.

It is the understanding:

I belong to myself.

And this brings me back to that first question:

Who are you when nobody is looking?

Who are you underneath all the roles?

What does she love? What does she desire? What has she stopped doing? What does she know? What is she passionate about?

When I think back to that moment when all I could say was, “I’m a mum,” I understand now that I was always more than that.

The rest of me was still there.

I had simply lost sight of her.

Perhaps coming home to ourselves is not about inventing a completely new woman.

Perhaps it is about remembering the one who has been there all along.

Sometimes that begins with very small things.

Buy the flowers.

Light the candle.

Make something.

Learn something.

Take time for yourself.

Say no.

Say yes to something that genuinely excites you.

Notice beauty.

Notice desire.

Notice where your energy is going.

Notice yourself.

Because awakening does not always happen in one enormous spiritual moment.

Sometimes awakening happens every time we stop abandoning ourselves.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this speaks to something within you and you feel ready to reconnect more deeply with yourself, I am holding:

THE DIVINE FEMININE WITHIN

A Workshop to Awaken Desire, Love, Inner Power & Sovereignty

This is an experiential workshop for women who want to reconnect with desire, feminine power, courage, self-love and sovereignty.

We will work with Aphrodite, including an Aphrodite Empowerment / Attunement, and explore Astarte’s warrior current, courage, truth and the strength to stand for what is sacred to you.

We will also explore how we give our power away and experience Calling Your Power Home, reconnecting with your voice, confidence, attention and personal authority.

Through the Dragon Energy I work with, we will explore sovereignty and the deeper question:

Who am I when I fully belong to myself?

The day will also include ritual, meditation, embodiment, divination and group Reiki to support grounding and integration.

This is not about becoming somebody new.

It is about remembering the woman who is already there.

Sunday 18th October 2026
10:00am–3:00pm
The Edgy Therapist, Exeter

Normally £111
Special Offer £80 — use code EDGY13

Spaces are limited to keep the workshop intimate.

The Dragon Lair
thedragonlair.co.uk
jess@thedragonlair.co.uk

Awaken what brings you alive. Call your power home. Reclaim your sovereignty. Choose yourself.